Family friendly jokes
-
- Member
- Posts: 5859
- Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2018 8:01 pm
- Location: Missouri, USA
Re: Family friendly jokes
- Connor
"What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"
"What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
My car has a button for nearly everything. It even has one that says "rear wiper." I'm still too afraid to use that one.
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
-
- Member
- Posts: 5859
- Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2018 8:01 pm
- Location: Missouri, USA
Re: Family friendly jokes
Haha! :D
- Connor
"What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"
"What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
Man: Two years ago, my brother ran for Congress.
Friend: What does he do now?
Man: Nothing—he got elected!
Friend: What does he do now?
Man: Nothing—he got elected!
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon? It didn't do well. It had great food, but no atmosphere.
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
- standy99
- Member
- Posts: 2221
- Joined: Sat Jul 22, 2017 11:07 am
- Location: Between Broome and Cairns somewhere
Re: Family friendly jokes
We used to have Steve Jobs,Bob Hope and Johnny Cash......
Now we have
no jobs,
no hope and
no cash....
Please,please
don't let Kevin Bacon die!!
Now we have
no jobs,
no hope and
no cash....
Please,please
don't let Kevin Bacon die!!
Im a vegetarian as technically cows are made of grass and water.
- standy99
- Member
- Posts: 2221
- Joined: Sat Jul 22, 2017 11:07 am
- Location: Between Broome and Cairns somewhere
Re: Family friendly jokes
I was on a diabetes awareness site and it asked me if accept cookies…
Is that a trick question?
Is that a trick question?
Im a vegetarian as technically cows are made of grass and water.
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
- standy99
- Member
- Posts: 2221
- Joined: Sat Jul 22, 2017 11:07 am
- Location: Between Broome and Cairns somewhere
Re: Family friendly jokes
Im a vegetarian as technically cows are made of grass and water.
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
A confused man with a map in his hand approached a local man in the city he was visiting.
“What’s the quickest way to get downtown?” he asked.
The local man scratched his head, and said: “Are you walking or driving?”
“I’m driving,” the tourist replied.
“Yup, that’s the quickest way!”
“What’s the quickest way to get downtown?” he asked.
The local man scratched his head, and said: “Are you walking or driving?”
“I’m driving,” the tourist replied.
“Yup, that’s the quickest way!”
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
Archaeologists exploring a pyramid in Egypt have made a sweet discovery: a mummy wrapped in chocolate and hazelnuts!
► Show Spoiler
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
This was just too good to pass up posting.
This video pretends to be How It's Made show, but it isn't. It cracks me up.
This video pretends to be How It's Made show, but it isn't. It cracks me up.
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
Two lifelong friends got together for lunch one day.
“Mike, I’m in a terrible pickle,” the first man stated.
“I’m strapped for cash, my rent is due tomorrow and I haven’t the slightest idea where I’m going to get it from!”
“Well, that’s good to hear,” answered Mike with a smile. “I was afraid you might have an idea that you could borrow it from me!”
“Mike, I’m in a terrible pickle,” the first man stated.
“I’m strapped for cash, my rent is due tomorrow and I haven’t the slightest idea where I’m going to get it from!”
“Well, that’s good to hear,” answered Mike with a smile. “I was afraid you might have an idea that you could borrow it from me!”
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband: “I bet you don’t know what day it is today”.
“Of course I do,” he indignantly answered, getting up from the table and going out the door to the office.
At 10am, the doorbell rang. When the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long-stemmed red roses. At 1pm, a foil-wrapped box of her favourite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home. When he did, she exclaimed: “First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress! I’ve never had a more wonderful day for a dental cleaning in my life!”
“Of course I do,” he indignantly answered, getting up from the table and going out the door to the office.
At 10am, the doorbell rang. When the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long-stemmed red roses. At 1pm, a foil-wrapped box of her favourite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home. When he did, she exclaimed: “First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress! I’ve never had a more wonderful day for a dental cleaning in my life!”
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
A couple of cannibals are sitting around, and one says:
“I don’t like my brother-in-law very much.”
The other one responds, “Then just eat the rice.”
“I don’t like my brother-in-law very much.”
The other one responds, “Then just eat the rice.”
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
- Manixguy@1994
- Member
- Posts: 12777
- Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2016 12:12 pm
- Location: Central Illinois
- Contact:
Re: Family friendly jokes
MG2
MNOSD 0002 / Do more than is required of you . Patton
Nothing makes earth so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes.
Henry David Thoreau
Nothing makes earth so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes.
Henry David Thoreau
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
It could be that, or something I'm not going to say because I'll get in trouble.
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Re: Family friendly jokes
I'm definitely in favor of global warming then.
- Doc Dan
- Member
- Posts: 14903
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:25 am
- Location: In a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
Re: Family friendly jokes
Why is it called camouflage and not
I Pray Heaven to Bestow The Best of Blessing on THIS HOUSE, and on ALL that shall hereafter Inhabit it. May none but Honest and Wise Men ever rule under This Roof! (John Adams regarding the White House)
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050
Follow the Christ, the King,
Live pure, speak true, right wrong, follow the King--
Else, wherefore born?" (Tennyson)
NRA Life Member
Spydernation 0050