best bad kung fu movies

[clovisc]

these last few months, i've become something of a connisseur of bad kung fu movies... i now own 98 on DVDs... (not such an expensive collection to acquire, as they can often be bought for $2 each at farmer's markets, or even cheaper in box sets online...)

two kung fu movies REALLY stand out as being COMPLETELY ridiculous/amazing/bad/hilarious...

THE CRIPPLED MASTERS -- guy with no arms teams up with a guy with tiny, mangled legs to work as an unbeatable duo. the highlight of the film is at the end, where the guy with no arms wears the guy with no legs in a backpack, and they fight as a "whole man." the astonishing thing about the film is that the main characters REALLY ARE DISABLED!!!! you haven't lived until you've seen an armless man twirl a bamboo staff. the kung fu instructor in the film is a contortionist who lives in a round basket... he travels by squeezing himself inside of it, and then rolling around. the villian is also amazing -- he has a metallic hunchback that he uses for fighting. the movie never bothers to explain it.

DRAGON ON FIRE -- this film makes the least sense of any kung fu movie i've ever seen... but it has some incredible moments. a giant man gets stung by bees, and his face turns into a massive puffball. a kung fu instructor holds about 12 marijuana joints simultaneously between his fingers, smokes them all at once, and throws them at opponents. (he also blows into a bong, sending smoldering bits of weed flying into his pupils, as a punishment.) a strange old man eats hallucinagenic lizards, then has a sort-of acid trip where he dreams about a dog biting a man's genitalia... from that, he gets the idea to invent "crazy dog style kung fu." he spends lots of the film fighting in a wheelchair... but after he dies, he returns as a zombie to fight using crazy dog style. there are also these weird american art thieves with highly unusual accents. some of the music in the film (made in 1980) was stolen DIRECTLY from the first star wars movie...

can anyone recommend any other awesomely bad kung fu movies?

[333]

Hi clovisc

I have a very small collection only about 5 i believe, but have seen many more.

The worst kung fu movie i can think of is a movie by the name of "Kung Fu the Punch of Death."

One of the worst kung fu movies I've ever seen. first of all the front of the box had absolutely nothing to do with the movie. :rolleyes: it showed 2 monks on some boulders at sea, the movie was about a son finding his parents killers. In alot of the fight scenes you could actually see the actors were merely lifting an arm or leg, no actual contact was made. Red paint was the blood.

But the end fight was what really made me laugh, :spoiler: :rolleyes: the guy is getting attacked by a man with a spear, he uses his braid to wrap around the spear shaft, breaks it and somehow his hair magicly holds on to it as he spins around and cuts the guy finaly avenging his parents death.

Still with all the things that make it horrible it is kinda entertaining, and I guess worth the 3 dollars i paid for it.


333

[Michael Cook]

"crippled masters" was the first thing I thought of when I saw this thread title. ;)
"Half a loaf of kung-fu" is one of Jacky's worst.
"the tale of Ricky-o" is a real life animei in the vein of "fist of the north star"
And of course "the flying guillotine"

[Civilian]

Ah I remember "master of the flying guillotine" I need to see that one again to laugh. THE CRIPPLED MASTERS, and DRAGON ON FIRE sound like "must see".

[Michael Cook]

:spyder: crippled masters is actualy a bit hard to watch. It's filled with cruelty and indifferance to one another's suffering. But the head villan what uses his deformed back hump in his personal fighting style is eyebrow raising. :spyder:

[Dr. Snubnose]

Five Dealy Venom...not the worst Kung Fu Movie but as a Kung Fu Instructor I hate when it plays on TV...I always get a bunch of little kids calling asking me if I teach Toad Style...Doc

[samosaurus]

Whoah! Samo is impressed! Clovisc really knows his bad kungfu flicks! :cool:

Sam

[Ted]

I watched a lot of Kung Fu movies as a kid. My parents helped Vietnamees refugees in our country at the beginning of the 80's. Whenever we visited them (which was often), they were allways watching Kung-Fu movies (from what I remember, I was about 10 at the time) Still can remember the bad guys that appeared in almost every movie. Can't remember any titles however, except of course for the Bruce Lee ones.

[DAYWALKER]

Five Dealy Venom...not the worst Kung Fu Movie but as a Kung Fu Instructor I hate when it plays on TV...I always get a bunch of little kids calling asking me if I teach Toad Style...Doc

:D :D :D either that, or they're walking around saying, "well, I have no weak spot so you can just forget about it!" :p

God bless! :cool: