Jim Malone -please come to the principles office.

[David Lowry]

What on earth is up with your Avatar?

What are those two people doing?

Looks like one guy is slamming his pelvis into another dudes head.

:D

[markg]

Yea, I have been wondering about that too...

[sharp]

jim´s avatar rock´s !

sharp

[WORKER#9]

I have seen that Avatar in my nightmares! That is one wierd Avatar :confused:

[Jim Malone]

Well it's my famous crotch butt. I have been mastering the antient art of crotch butting for year now. Because the crotch is normally considered a target, crotch butting makes it a very effective weapon.

Their is one problem!

PAIN! :(

When you start crotch butting the first thing you will notice is a slight disconfort in your groin area. So as a matter of precaution you start slow, lightly crotch butting soft objects. When you get used to the pain, you move up a level.
you repeat the proces untill you can break a well seasoned oak 2X4. Once you can easely break this 2X4 you can now use your crotch as an defensive weapon , especially with my carbon fiber custon build cup. It's low profile, will not set off metal detectors, and is highly portable.

Now the avatar you see is not me, it's an old film made about the inventor
Joe "IRON BALLS" Malone, my great great grandfather, who used this cunning technique to fight duels in the local bars.

There is also a "flying crotch butt" where you propel yourself in the air and hit vulnerable pressure points on your opponents body in mid air.

The art is based on the antient art of sokeikan, meaning the retraction of the testicles into the bowel cavity. Because it is a Martial art it is considered Sokeikando. My great great grandfather learned this skill when constructing the coast to coast railroad from japanese immigrants. :cool:

The reason why i use Sokeikando is that i usually carry a :spyder: red handled training Endura. :confused:

This training knife has no other function then to attract the attention of the assailant. The moment the eyes of the assaliant go to the knife i hold about eye level, i propel myself and give him a flying crotch butt. :D

The technique you see in my avatar is a special technique designed for multiple attackers.

Say you are one NY subway, and you don't wan't to use your manix or skirmish due to the noice it makes.
Suddenly you are surrounded by three muggers who ask your money.

At that moment i take my "mugger money", 5, 1 US dollar bills. I scream "no, no, don't hurt me" and throw the money on the floor.
When the muggers start grabbing the money i quickly crotch butt them uncontious, and alert the local law enforcement.
:)
Currently i am conducting test with a bulletproof groin protector.
That way i am not only protected against blunt trauma and knives but also gunshot wounds.
The difficult part is to know when to jump up , to catch the flying bullet on your groin protector. :(

I haven't found out any negative effects when using this technique, BUT the groin protector does attract women! :rolleyes:

This is an article about the retraction
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=6543023&dopt=Abstract

Hope this will help explaining my avatar

[smcfalls13]

Oh my. That's just so far beyond normal humor I'm not going to able to breathe for the next hour I'll be laughing so hard. :D

How does one go about training for this? Are there schools? :D

Details man, details. :rolleyes:

[Piet.S]

http://www.hondenhuys.nl/forumsmilies/s33.gif http://www.hondenhuys.nl/forumsmilies/s33.gif http://www.hondenhuys.nl/forumsmilies/s33.gif

LMAO Jim.

[Vincent]

Well it's my famous crotch butt. I have been mastering the antient art of crotch butting for year now. Because the crotch is normally considered a target, crotch butting makes it a very effective weapon.

Their is one problem!

PAIN! :(

When you start crotch butting the first thing you will notice is a slight disconfort in your groin area. So as a matter of precaution you start slow, lightly crotch butting soft objects. When you get used to the pain, you move up a level.
you repeat the proces untill you can break a well seasoned oak 2X4. Once you can easely break this 2X4 you can now use your crotch as an defensive weapon , especially with my carbon fiber custon build cup. It's low profile, will not set off metal detectors, and is highly portable.

Now the avatar you see is not me, it's an old film made about the inventor
Joe "IRON BALLS" Malone, my great great great grandfather, who used this cunning technique to fight duels in the local bars.

There is also a "flying crotch butt" where you propel yourself in the air and hit vulnerable pressure points on your opponents body in mid air.

The art is based on the antient art of sokeikan, meaning the retraction of the testicles into the bowel cavity. Because it is a Martial art it is considered Sokeikando. My great great grandfather learned this skill when constructing the coast to coast railroad from japanese immigrants. :cool:

The reason why i use Sokeikando is that i usually carry a :spyder: red handled training Endura. :confused:

This training knife has no other function then to attract the attention of the assailant. The moment the eyes of the assaliant go to the knife i hold about eye level, i propel myself and give him a flying crotch butt. :D

The technique you see in my avatar is a special technique designed for multiple attackers.

Say you are one NY subway, and you don't wan't to use your manix or skirmish due to the noice it makes.
Suddenly you are surrounded by three muggers who ask your money.

At that moment i take my "mugger money", 5, 1 US dollar bills. I scream "no, no, don't hurt me" and throw the money on the floor.
When the muggers start grabbing the money i quickly crotch butt them uncontious, and alert the local law enforcement.
:)
Currently i am conducting test with a bulletproof groin protector.
That way i am not only protected against blunt trauma and knives but also gunshot wounds.
The difficult part is to know when to jump up , to catch the flying bullet on your groin protector. :(

I haven't found out any negative effects when using this technique, BUT the groin protector does attract women! :rolleyes:

Hope this will help explaining my avatar


actually in NYC, you would be tried for Assault for hitting the 3 muggers in that situation.

[Jim Malone]

Vincent, you just gave me a great idea! Say you are standing in a NY subway and somebody wants to steal your sneakers. Just stand up, and when the guy tries to untie your shoelaces...... KAPAOW :D

It is also very low profile, you can do it while making phonecalls, eating a hamburger, using your PDA, you even don't have to put down your beer if someone is threathening you in the local bar! :)

[greencobra]

OK, maybe i am a little weird! :rolleyes:
LOL, ya think? :D

[DAYWALKER]

http://www.hondenhuys.nl/forumsmilies/s33.gif http://www.hondenhuys.nl/forumsmilies/s33.gif http://www.hondenhuys.nl/forumsmilies/s33.gif

LMAO Jim.

I have reacted the same as Mr. Piet.S on this Jim Malone...you already know how that avatar of yours freaks me out! :p

God bless you my friend :)

[Jim Malone]

Deatils, details, it's not realy that hard (pun intended), its just called PET, Prolounged Exposure therapy.

I was told it had a Ninja background, so i am certain Black Ninja can give you more details about the historical facts of this secret fighting method.

All i know with a lot of training it IS possible. I have learned it the same way Uma Thurman aka "black mamba" learned it in "kill bill II" with her fist.

Anyone remember that film? The distance of her outstretched hand is about the same distance you can propel your pelvis outwards without "signalling" your intent to the would be assailant.

So i guess it all has the same basis, just plain old practice and STAY FOCUSED!

This is really important "FOCUS ON THE TARGET"

and remember "Pain is temporary, Pride is forever" :D

[Sonicboy]

This is why this forum is so much fun, only a spyderhead would have this kind of humor...i must say it's a cunning and 'i did not see that one coming' attack "move", i truly find AWESOME!!!
How about SHOCK AND AWE when you've knocked you're first two attackers on the ground like that...i'm sure number three is going to run like hell... :D

the avatar is sure going to win first price next year on the "most impressive forum avatar - poll 2006"

[Sonicboy]

do other forumites also notice the suspicious shape of the attackers pants at the "strike area" or is my mind blocking this out?

[jaislandboy]

...

and remember "Pain is temporary, Pride is forever" :D

..... :D I guess pi**ing blood is only temporary as well! :p :D

[chinook]

Oh yeah... OK !!!

Are you available as an expert witness?
My exwife claimed this was an involuntary reflex.

[Dr. Snubnose]

Jim you crack me up!!!!...

Lets take a close look at Jim's avatar...because it is a martial technique and tactic that can be very effective...lets make some sense out of it...What is really depicted here is one fellow grabing the other either behind the nape of the neck or jacket collar and jerking the opponents upper torso and head straight down while thrusting his hips and pelvis upwards so that his metal belt buckle makes hard contact with his opponent's face, knocking him backwards...Look closely and you will see this effective technique...don't believe the crotch banging explanation that Jim has offered :eek: ...Doc :D

[David Lowry]

Jim,

This takes the cake. That's the funniest story I've read in a while.

:D You may now leave the principle's office. No warning or anything........due to the fact that you just knocked me out with your pelivs.

Good day sir.

[Jim Malone]

Dr snub, i did stated that it was advisable to wear a CF Jockstrap when performing this act! :D
But i confess the whole story was kinda "not totally real" :o

Do you guys still like me after my little lie? :confused:

:D :D :D :D

[Jim Malone]

So, maybe we should ask :spyder: to bring back and redesign a heavy MBC-rated metal beltbuckle with Spyderco written in mirrorscript on it. That way when you crotch butt an assailant they can be easely identified by the fact that they walk around with a bright red :spyder: on their forehead! And they act like a walking :spyder: billboard for the next week on! :D

Added a picture of the old Spyderco beltbuckle as an example ( picture loaned from the Deacon's website)

[Axlis]

JIM... YOU RULE! That's the most awesome thing I've ever heard :D :D :D I can now die happy!

[DAYWALKER]

So, maybe we should ask :spyder: to bring back and redesign a heavy MBC-rated metal beltbuckle with Spyderco written in mirrorscript on it. That way when you crotch butt an assailant they can be easely identified by the fact that they walk around with a bright red :spyder: on their forehead! And they act like a walking :spyder: billboard for the next week on! :D

Added a picture of the old Spyderco beltbuckle as an example ( picture loaned from the Deacon's website)

Well...if anyone comes into JimD's, SimonG's, or my place of employ with a :spyder: printed on their forehead or atop a broken nose...either you or Deacon done it! :p Wait...I think UK Ken has one of these too! :p

Thanks for the :) Jim Malone, and yes, we still like you.

God bless :cool:

[Jimmy_Dean]

stop it, man! It hurts!
that was so great