Starting the blonde joke thread all over again

[Dr. Snubnose]

Starting the blonde joke thread all over again with this one:

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department.
One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill
the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other,
then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without
rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand
what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the
effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why
do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it
up again?"

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it
probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the
girl who plants the trees called in sick. " Doc :D

[BlackNinja]

Well,
Thanks to Dr. Lecter,
(Some are just too funny!)

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

Good Times! :D :D :D

[Dr. Snubnose]

A blonde female was pulled over by a blonde female police office for speeding...the officer asked to see her license...the driver asked which one is that officer? The officer replies the one with your picture on it...So the blonde driver quickly goes thru her purse and pulls out a compact mirror...opens it and hands it to the police officer who looks into the compact and says....Why didn't you tell me you where a cop If I had known that I would have never pulled you over.....Doc

[BlackNinja]

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the f*** out.

Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

[Dr. Snubnose]

Why did the blonde stare at the container of orange juice.....cause it said concentrate......Doc :D

OK BlackNinja your turn to post more Norris jokes :p

[BlackNinja]

Sorry to hijack, Doc. :o Just noticed I did!

[Dr. Snubnose]

LMAO....Your TURN!!!!!!..........Doc :D

[BlackNinja]

LMAO here, too, Doc!!! :D :D :D \

Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

54 8.148
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. 43 8.140
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. 54 8.130
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. 79 8.089
Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth. He points his fist at his mouth and the plaque jumps out. 25 8.040
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost. 42 8.024
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas. 67 7.821
Chuck Norris did that to Michael Jackson's face. 61 7.820
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

Your go, Doc. :D

[silverback]

When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, that implies the possibily of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

http://www.guzer.com/videos/chuck_norris_facts.php

[zenheretic]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. "While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

[lerman]

When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, that implies the possibily of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

http://www.guzer.com/videos/chuck_norris_facts.php

LMAO
Blonde LOGIC
Two blondes living in
Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science ! &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

http://www.customknivesandguns.com/ckgforums/showthread.php?t=696&highlight=blond
great forum BTW

[psimonl]

OK... Warning... This is for the 18 Year old...

A blonde walks in a diner, right in the middle of nowhere, tired, lost, but still has that weird blond grin on her face.

She walks up to the waiter, who is alone, and says:

"I am very lost, I don't know where I am and I need to call my mother. Would it be possible to use your phone?"

The waiter, who is also not that bright, tells her that the phone is in the backstore and that he will have to go with her to "Help her out"...

She says: "OK!!!"

They both go in the backstore, he closes the curtain, drops his pants and tell her:"Ok, now go ahead"

The not-so-smart blonde knees down in front of the man, takes "him" in both her hands, approach her mouth and say: "Mama, are you there?!?!?!!"
:eek: :D

Simon

Ps: If some are offended, I'll edit it...