Escalation: a story that makes you think ...

[silverback]

I'm still a little shaken by what just happened, so please bear with me if I ramble and the story takes a little.

I was spending a few hours with friends in a student bar I regularly visit.
We were the last few people before closing time, drinking final orders and everything was peachy - we all knew each other and were in comfortable company. I proudly showed off my :spyder: Police when some lemons had to be cut, because the knives there were absolutely dull. The guy behind the counter, I'll call him "G", used it and was duly impressed. Shortly after he felt really tired and just a little drunk and made ready to leave.
A good friend of mine threw a bag of paper towels at him in jest, just as G was at the door. (not a smart or funny move, but he was drunk, too)
G came back, saying that he didn't appreciate having stuff thrown at him. At first it seemed G wanted to wrestle good-naturedly and suddenly they were fighting! :eek: Three people, me included, separated them, and I took care of my confused friend. I tried to de-escalate the situation by talking calmly and reasonably to them. G didn't calm down and my friend tried to apologize, soon realized he didn't get through and left quickly, the smart thing to do.
G didn't want to be restrained and tried to follow, thereby knocking down a guy and his wife, who both wanted to calm him down. They are both nice and peaceful people. Suddenly the other guy fought with G, shouting about G attacking his wife! I used my size and strength to separate them, all the while speaking calmly to them. G argued but came out of it, left, and we all started to relax. My friend returned a little later and encountered G at the door, who had come back, too! G had taken off his shirt and shoes, obviously ready to fight! :eek:
I just stood in his way while my friend left through the back door.
After much talking and arguing, G went away for good, leaving the rest of us wondering what just happened. :confused: Luckily, no one was hurt.
One of the guys working at the bar told us that G has had a similar episode in the past.

What makes me think is how very suddenly a relaxed, fun situation could become serious, how a usually nice, calm and fun guy went crazy because he thought he was being attacked (with a bag of paper towels!), defending a perceived slight against his honor... I am sure he was just a little drunk because he was walking straight and talking coherently. Also, he is obviously an educated and intelligent person...

What I learned tonight is a lesson I have known intellectually for some time, but never experienced: that there are people who unexpectedly and suddenly can go nuts for no *real* reason at all!

Also, I shudder to think that I loaned G my scary sharp :spyder: Police just a moment before.
I will be very careful about handing out my knives in the future. :(

What surprises me in hindsight is how easily I could use my size, strength and calm manner to take control of the excited moments. I was fully ready to use force if necessary and was confidently handling the angry guys. I feel my years of self defense training paid off tonight, everything was crystal clear. Adrenaline is amazing stuff. :)

Thanks for reading, I just had to get this off my chest.

[Th232]

Saw the thread title, first thought: "Incoming..."

I was right:(

Glad it had a (relatively) good ending, especially since I've been in G's position before (not exactly), and snapped a few times.

A good warning to all you good people out there.

[Firefighter880]

Glad it didn't escalate anymore than it did. Sounds like nobody got hurt, and that's always a good thing.

One of the things I've learned is to never be the last ones at a bar. I know that when you're in the company of friends, all seems well. But, like we see here, things can always change. I've been in a few too many altercations after last call, and now I've learned to move the party behind closed doors before it's too late (or early?). Those late night fights can be a scary thing - there's not a lot of people around to help out. It especially sucks when some poor guys wife gets knocked down in the middle of it. :mad:

I know the feeling of lending someone a knife and then regretting it. Nowadays, I never let anyone else touch, let alone use, my Spyders. If something needs cutting, I cut it. I had this friend back in high school who I had let borrow a Spyder for the day. We had gone 4-wheeling and fishing, and he just needed a knife to carry for the day for random cutting chores. Well, a few days later, he brought a knife to school (not my Spyder, his own cheap thing) pulled it on someone in a joking manner, and got expelled. Not long after, a different buddy was over at my house and hid a pistol in my backpack as a "joke." Luckily, I went through my bag to find some homework before going back to school. It just really makes you take a step back and wonder what some people are thinking. Needless to say, nobody touches my knives (or guns) anymore.

Take care, and glad you're safe.

:spyder:

[Dr. Snubnose]

There is much to be said about staying out of bars completely...especially when armed....think many times before handing someone a potential weapon that can be turned against you...then decide not to hand it to them...better choice....Doc:D

PS The quickest way to get an angry person to stop yelling is to whisper to them...they have to shut up in order to hear what you are saying...

[Jimd]

As Doc Snubnose suggested, I usually try to stay out of bars for the very reasons listed above. I'm not saying no one should ever go to bars, but I just choose not to most of the time.

Regarding "G" snapping out....
Maybe he had a horrible day (or week?). Maybe something happened that none of you (his friends) were privy to, and G was extra-stressed out about it. All it took was that "meaningless" bag of towels to set him off.

Add to that the fact that he'd been drinking, and BAM!
Also, he might have been expecting the bag to be thrown at him, and it might have startled him, giving him a good shot of adrenaline, which affected him in the aforementioned way. And/or, like you said, he might have been defending his honor.

How many of us truly know how our friends' day went? Do your friends tell you everything about their lives? There just might be something going on that stressing them, and it only takes a small, "meaningless" spark to set it off.

That doesn't give anyone a license to go nuts, but it nevertheless happens.

I'm glad all of you are okay and that no one was seriously hurt. As I read the story, I was hoping that you wouldn't write that he still had your knife and used it on someone.

[The Deacon]

Silverback, I agree with everything that's been said so far. Would just add that there are some people upon whom alcohol can have a very unpredictable, and often negative effects, especially when combined with other forms of "self medication" or, for that matter, with some prescribed medication. There are also those who always get nasty when they drink, but I'm assuming from your comments that you have been around G when he was drinking before, and that he did not normally behave like that.

Also, if student bars in Germany are anything like those here in the states, the bartenders tend to be in the same age group as most of the patrons, early to mid twenties, which is the age where males destined to become schizophrenic often begin to exhibit symptoms.