i was drive by'd today

[darkjedi458]

im very fortunate im here to tell this story. its not safe to walk down the street anymore. there i was walking to the corner for a pack of cigarettes. i had noticed how the grand am coming towards me was moving suspiciously slow...then when it was about 20 feet from me it sped up. thats when it happened. i was suddenly hit upside the head by a loaf of bread. i was to dazed to get the license plate number. ok actually i was to shocked at having been assaulted with a loaf of wonder bread to think of it. if that loaf had been stale or if they had bought those dinner rolls that are always rock hard i might be knocking on the pearly gates right now. to those of you reading this i say to you keep your eyes open...this may become a dangerous and disturbing trend. i was lucky. some other poor soul might not be so fortunate next time. i urge you to call your state representatives and ask them to take immediate action by forcing all bakeries and grocery stores to do background checks and fingerprinting on every loaf of bread and register every roll or muffin sold.



" we chased our pleasures here...dug our treasures there...can you still recall how we cried...break on through to the other side" - the doors

[la_benge]

Remember : loaves don't kill... people do.

[Kahz]

A loaf of bread???? Was it fresh???? Wheat or white???? Did you have any butter or jam with you to attack it back???? <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Just kidding... <img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Kahz

[TonyP]

A symbolic act if I have ever heard of one.
To be attacked with the staff of life !!
It has to mean SOMETHING but I know not what.

[ruxton]

what you mean you didn't whip out your twin desert eagles and turn the car into swiss cheese thetacticalone style?
MAT

[SpyderNut]

Holy Smokes, man!
You coulda been killed! [Or worse!]
I like Kahz's idea of butter and jam. <img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

On a serious note:
Yes, our society is getting more and more corrupt. I mean, if someone has the nerve to throw something at another human being with the intent to hurt or suprise without warning, than I think it is wrong. I don't know what I'd do. At least they didn't throw eggs at you. I've had that happen....

At least the bread wasn't frozen! <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

~Spydernut

[CalypsoKid]

I don't know about you but I think darkjedi458 is TTO'ing us. darkjedi, can you give us a pic of your head full of bread crumbs?

[Hoosierdaddy]

I hope it wasn't seven grain bread! IMO seven grain over penetrates and has too much recoil. On the &quot;Wonderbread Index&quot; for one loaf stops it is proven that six grain provides much better expansion which leads to a better stopping power <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle> ! Seven grain is old school. Also never pull a loaf on someone unless you plan on using it! And make sure it's loaded!

[Lsaulog]

Agreed. You're lucky. It could have been one of those frozen french bread loaves.

You could have wound up pin-stuck to one of those telephone poles like those &quot;Make Cash Fast&quot; ads.

What's this world coming to. Soon, people might be thowing frozen string beans into a crowd of people at a high rate of speed. Imagine, a dozen people being rushed to the emergency room, impaled by a side serving. I think we ought to create a national registration database compiled of everyone who buys loaves of bread and frozen foods. They would be required to provide finger prints, a passport photo, and any recent coupon clippings. They would be approved or denied based on whether or not they eat fresh or frozen bread.

"Hope for the best. Be prepared for the worst. You'll never be disappointed."

[mnblade]

This kind of thing is exactly why I carry an Endura instead of a Worker or Police or Viele or Civilian or Centofante. Ever try to smear peanut butter or jam with one of those narrow, pointy blades!?

[vlf_11]

that is why i carry my endura and my harpy everywhere because me and my freind westin aka wileysharp was pull on by a guy with a frosty.

[Clay Kesting]

Some years ago, in the early days of Knifeforums, there was a thread on tactical cookies. The conclusion was that, with careful attention to composition and heat treatment, they would make devastating impact and throwing weapons. My own contribution was the design of a pasta sheath. As the world becomes less tolerant of weapons there is an urgent need for further development of tactical bakery products, for instance a french stick would make an excellent short staff and a hot dog roll could double as a Kubotan. &quot;But officer it's just my lunch&quot;.

BTW, darkjedi, I'm very sorry to learn of your experience. It shows that there is also a need to develop a martial arts system based on the use of, and defence against food. Gone are the days when some poor clown just stands there and gets hit in the face with a custard tart.

Clay

&quot;The trouble is that you think you have time.&quot;

Edited by - Clay Kesting on 1/17/2002 1:05:38 PM

[ruxton]

yeah i demand a photo! lets see the proof! headful of breadcrums, the offending loaf laying on the pavement complete with forehead shaped dent, eye witness accounts, theres another thing how come it hasn't appeared in the newspaper yet, oh YEAH presumably you ALSO have the TTO power to control the press. own up you fabricated the entire incident to gain attention! TROLL!!!
MAT

[ruxton]

(just kidding <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>)
MAT

[Hoosierdaddy]

I think Ruxton is right... He did it to grain attention <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle> !

[Lsaulog]

ROFLMAO <img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Ok guys, my sides are officially hurting from all this laughing...

*Ahem*

So, I also demand a photo of said incident with a loaf of wonder bread.

From now on, I think I'll carry a Spydie Catcherman. This way, if any flying food comes my way, I'll just slice in in half, samurai-style, throw the pieces back at the bad guy(s) and yell something indistinguishable to them so that the english subtitle reads &quot;Hey, you guys come back here so I can slice you to pieces!&quot;

"Hope for the best. Be prepared for the worst. You'll never be disappointed."

[Rookie]

LOL<img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle><img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle><img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

In the land of knives, Spyderco is king.

[Kahz]

OMG! You guys are demanding a photo after he went through that traumatic experience and without anything to spread on the bread??!! You guys are crude!! <img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

LMAO!! Really, produce a loaf, then we will see what we can attack it with! HOT CHOCOLATE! <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Kahz

[Sword and Shield]

It could have been worse...think croutons! Those little buggers are HARD! <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

As for bread ownership, US House of Representatives Bill #119.7.3 is currently addressing bread ownership. Bread of any kind is forbidden to carry concealed, or overtly if it is &quot;criminally enhanced&quot; via toasting.

Ownership of butter or other high-speed, impact enhancing spreads (margarine, PB &amp;J) is now subject to background checks and cannot be carried without a permit. <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Edited by - Sword and Shield on 1/17/2002 1:36:59 PM

[tanto]

can i get a spyderco bread knife?

[tanto]

can i get a spyderco bread knife?

[ruxton]

hoosierdaddy, LMFAO! <img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>
MAT

[Hoosierdaddy]

Does anyone know why they use zyploc style seals on crouton bags? It's just stale bread to begin with <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle> !

[jaxon]

Hoosier,

Was that WHOLE grain attention?

Jaxon

[Lsaulog]

Well, ladies and gents,

at least THIS thread has remained light-hearted and humorous.

Best wishes to all.

"Hope for the best. Be prepared for the worst. You'll never be disappointed."

[Knife Knut]

They use zyploc style seals on crouton bags for a variety of reasons:
So that they do not get soggy in humid enviroments, or if you drop them in a puddle.
To inhibit airborne life forms from taking hold.
If they are seasoned, to keep that wonderfull smell inside, so that you do not snack on them.

This thread is becoming a study in random association.

[Kahz]

So, speaking about giraffes...

<img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Kahz

[aero_student]

This like an episode of monty pythons flying circus except they were attacking people with fruit and then shot or attacked by a lion. What is the world coming to when you can't walk down a street without being hit by food. The tactical cookie is an interesting idea. In Charlies Angels Lucy Liu had chinese throwing muffins that penetrated partially through a door.

[toothed]

This is outrageous! There needs to be a law prohibiting the sale of loaves of bread to the general public. Only authorized LEO and military personnel upon the approval of their respective commanders should be allowed to possess and use these dangerous implements of mayhem. The Congress and state legislatures got caught sitting on their b*tts with this one.

Thankfully, darkjedi458 was not seriously harmed in this unprovoked attack. He could have easily exceeded his maximum daily limit of carbohydrates with the ingestion of that loaf--I shudder when I think about the possible devastating outcomes that could have occurred. <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

[Brian Lavin]

I got your loaf, right here...

[darkjedi458]

no man im serious...some idiot with good aim actually hit me in the head with a loaf of bread out of a moving car...i mean damn cant even go to the corner without being attacked by flying whole wheat. actually im glad that was all that was thrown at me...for a minute there i thought somebody was gonna start shooting at me...sorry..i took no pictures...it was still to fresh to bruise me

" we chased our pleasures here...dug our treasures there...can you still recall how we cried...break on through to the other side" - the doors

[Gary]

I can not believe the inconsiderate comments of the forumites following this confession of being brutally attacked!

lmfao.... this really makes me &quot;WONDER&quot;!?!

Gary
&quot;now I can't make toast in the morning without laughing... this is a good thing according to Martha Stewart&quot;

[Hoosierdaddy]

Gary,

My comments on this post were not inconsiderate! How dare you imply that!

I pioneered &quot;Bread Ballistics&quot; years before anyone. And the Statistics keep &quot;rising&quot; <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

My post was there to inform, if someone uses an inferior bread on a BG and it fails and I could have prevented it from happening how would you think I would feel?

[toothed]

darkjedi458, I think most of us posting here do not doubt that you were hit with a loaf of bread. I have no doubt that it happened.

I did have a good laugh as I visualized the description you gave of the incident. In my response, I was just having some fun at your expense--sorry if you took it another way.

[chinook]

Just got back from a trip to LA. I was appalled to see young people under 18 buying sticky buns at Cinnabon in the mall. Those things can kill ya. (Burrppp!)

Disguised as a responsible adult.

[Kahz]

Chinook, LMAO!!!! <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Well, at least if you survive the attack, you can always eat it and get some pleasure out of it, right? <img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Kahz

[chinook]

Had to run a gauntlet of punk skateboarders wielding those weeping weapons to get to my truck in the parking lot. I took a hit in the side from one of those things, they really stick to your ribs.(and hips)

[Kahz]

*snort* *hmmmppphhhhh* ROFLMAO!!!! <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Kahz

[Brian]

I haven't laughed this hard since I saw The Mask. If you want to talk about the lethality, (is that a word?) of baked goods, try the sticky buns from Arby's, or the garlic bread from Schwan's, them things are as bad, if not worse than croutons.

Another thing that you could do is lob the Taco Bell hot sauce in the general area of attack.<img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

&quot;Pull pin a from grenade b, and throw...&quot;

Edited by - Brian on 1/21/2002 3:21:43 PM

[sks]

Was it a &quot;High Capacity&quot; loaf?....Limiting them to ten slices or less would save lives.

<img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Steve

[Kahz]

Brian,

Don't EVER mention Taco Bell in my presence. Taco Bell is the most insulting thing to a Mexican (IMHO, LOL!). Those hard tortillas are nasty! They can be even more lethal than bread. <img src="tongue.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

In all honesty, I hate Taco Bell. YUK! <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Can we now go back to lethal loaves?? Please?? Mexican fast food is too scary and I may have nightmares. <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Kahz

[aero_student]

I was chased home by some punk wielding a shotgun with cruton slugs. Luckily I was armed with a caesar salad and caught them.

[chinook]

Brian...
You are right about the Arby's sticky buns. I stopped for gas at a Pilot station and there was an Arby's attached. Got one of those gooey-gluey-good globs to go.

Absolutely sinful. The wife and I were sharing and got stuck together, I had to pull over and wash up. &gt;&lt;g&gt;

[bogeyman]

Kahz,

I'm with you on Mexican Fast Food....

Coach

[toothed]

Hey Kahz, come on now. The Chalupas at Taco Bell aren't bad tasting (although the grease they use are supposed to be bad for your arteries). I'm really sad that they stopped the dog commercials/store promotions--to punish TB I haven't been back there since.

[aero_student]

Kahz is right, they really are that bad. It is very difficult to find good comida. BTW my cat could eat that scrawny little rat dog alive.

[toothed]

Oh yea? Someone said the chihuahua carries a Civilian (concealed inside-the-collar-strong side carry). <img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle> Jeeze, when we go off-topic we really go off-topic.

[SpyderNut]

Speaking about off the topic:

Does anyone remember that one James Bond movie where Bond is down in that special &quot;gizmo&quot; room with his friend &quot;Q&quot; looking at all the new spy stuff? As I recall, James had just got done looking at a bazooka that was concealed in a leg cast, when he picked up a sandwhich that was sitting on a nearby table. He began to ask Q what it was when Q grabbed it from him and said, &quot;Don't touch that! That's my lunch!&quot; <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

Sorry, this just popped into my mind....<img src="wink.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>


~Spydernut

[Gary]

Being from Boston where the City Council has now banned the use of the word...&quot;minority&quot;... I don't feel qualified to comment on Taco Bell. However, I think MacDonalds and Burger King are the &quot;best&quot; example of Homefront Bio-Terrorism! YUK... <img src="sad.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>
Gary
&quot;by the way the homefront police came to my house earlier today and confiscated my bread machine... thank heavens they didn't care about my Spydies... <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>&quot;

[Knife Knut]

The Chiuaua doesn't pack heat like this puppy?

Knife Knut on a shoestring budget.

[shootist16]

This goes to show you that we need to register all bread owners. I think we also need a waiting period before we can buy bread. I am writing my Congressman to advise him of the seriosness of this situation. We must take these measures to protect our children.

Dennis Bible www.theleadingedgeonline.com

[Gary]

... taken (with poetic license) from a CNN Terrorism Alert (about knives)...

&quot;Today the FAA anounced that they have banned bagels from all domestic airline flights. They cited their fear, based on recent information supplied by British intelligence agencies, of terrorists plotting to potentially use &quot;Bagel Bombs&quot; to disrupt American airliner flights.&quot;

Gary
... the airlines have been doing this for years by serving bagel bombs to unsuspecting travelers... plop plop fizz fizz... <img src="smile.gif" width=15 height=15 align=middle>

[aero_student]

Well they took away all the hot dog buns today at school. They were being used to conceal odd pieces of &quot;meat&quot; that are actually classified as biohazrdous and are being used by terrorists to fatten unsuspecting lazy americans. I knew from the beginning that those things are dangerous and I refuse to even touch them. There is also speculation that they may have been used as a carrier for my control drugs.